Hi lovies,
Can you believe it's already the last day of 2015? Gosh I can't believe how fast time flies by.
2015 was a great year for me. On so many levels. It was also a very difficult year. Let's take a quick look at my 2015 and let's see what I wish all of you in the new year.
The first couple of months of 2015 have been very though. As I wrote down in my post called 'the letter that changed everything' I was struggling a lot with who I was and the place that stuttering had in my life. I didn't feel like I belong at my workplace or in this world. I felt like I was stuck in a negative circle and I wouldn't be able to get out of it. I had to fight. Fight against negative voices in my head but also against comments that others made to me.
In may of 2015 I decided to take action and fight against my fears at my workplace. Still one of the best decisions I made this year (other than starting this blog ofcourse haha).
In may I also went on my first vacation in 5 years. Yay for travelling by plane. Can I just say that I love flying? I love planes. Is it weird that I find them cute? ... Oke that's not the point of all this. Marmaris was beautiful and I'm so thankfull that I got the chance to go there. Finally, after 5 months of stressing about everything, I got the chance to relax. For once those voices in my head saying I wasn't good enough were completely silent. Marmaris was the perfect opportunity to think about what I wanted to achieve with my stuttering; Did I just want to undergo it? Or did I want to do more with it? Did I want to keep this to myself or share it with others who might be able to get help from it? The idea of starting a blog had been in my head for a long time, but on vacation I really had the chance to think about it more. Would people really read something like that?
In June everything at work got better. I felt like I was getting back to my old self. I was able to sleep better, eat better and let go of my worries (well not all of them ofcourse).
Months went by and around the time of July I wrote my first post called 'Let's go back to the beginning'. I remember being really excited but scared at the same time. I was throwing something very personal on to the world wide web. Would this really be something that could make a difference for someone?
In august I was able to visit Munich. My boyfriend is there a lot for his job and finally, it was time for me to see the city with him. 6 days I enjoyed the sun, Munich, the German food (wow is all I can say) and the culture.I loved it.
From July untill now I got nothing but postive reactions on my blog. Words can not discribe how much that means to me. I love writing. But I love it even more now because I know that I help others. Other stutterers have told me that they feel understood, they finally don't feel alone anymore. That is why I do this.
So in conclusion, 2015 was a great year. It thought me a lot of lessons. I said goodbye to some people in my life who clearly didn't want to be in it. I had to say goodbye to my dog Max, who passed away at 16. I really got to know myself this year. Thanks to my parents, boyfriend, family in law and Leen (my speech therapist) I feel much stronger now than at the beginning of the year. I'm proud of what I did in 2015 and I want to keep this positive vibe up in 2016.
But to be honest, I wouldn't be feeling like this if it wasn't for all of you. This might be cheesy but this comes from my heart. You guys are the reason that I feel like I can make a difference for others stutterers. Thank you for sticking by me in these 6 months. I really hope that we can carry this on into the new year.
What I wish for you in 2016? I hope you find everything that you are looking for. I wish you guys all of the love and friendship you are able to carry. I wish you guys a lot of luck with everything you do. I wish that you would love yourself a little more and not let your stuttering get you down. But most of all, I wish that you find yourself in this crazy world. And I hope that you know that I'm always here for you.
Let's end 2015 with a bang and start 2016 with postive vibes.
Have a great new years everyone. I hope you can spend it with the people you love.
Love,
Natasja
<3
