My experience today.

Today started as such a good day at work. I did a lot of phonecalls and I was very pleased with the results. I felt like I was on a roll today.

Sadly enough, sometimes things happen that can ruin your day. It can be something small, but it can also be something big. I don't even know if mine was big or small, I just know that my whole day was ripped to shreds just because of one comment.

Normally I don't write about these things. I want to keep a positive vibe on this blog. I don't want to complain and I don't want to be negative, because that won't help anyone. 
But I really feel like I have to talk about this. I need to talk about this to get it of my chest. But I also want you to take a look into my life. Into my stories. Because sadly enough it's not only rainbows and butterflies. 

So what happened?

I had to call a client to ask if she wanted to bring some documents to the office. I needed them to make a good price offer for her car. 
I called her a couple of times but she didn't pick up the phone. After a while she called back herself and I started to explain everything. I blocked. Not a big blockage, not a blockage that worried me or had me stressed. Just a small blockages that sometimes happends and goes away after 1 second. That 1 second was the worst one yet. This woman didn't let me finish. 
From the moment I blocked all she kept saying was 'Hello'. Hello Hello Hello. It was like a train rushing by not leaving me any space to talk. Because this stressed me so much, I couldn't get anything out anymore. This woman was so stressed herself that I couldn't calm myself down. 
She decided to come to the office so that I could explain it to her in person. 

When she came to the office I felt worried. I don't know why, I just did. I didn't feel like talking to this person anymore. 
I tried to gather my courage and explain everything to her again. From the minute that I paused between my words this woman started it all again. 'You're doing it again. Why can't you talk fluently? I thought there was a problem with the phone, it's not the phone ... it's you. If you can't talk to me fluently, I can't understand you'. 
These words cut me like a knife. At first I didn't know how to react. I didn't know wether to explain it all to her or just leave it. This woman wouldn't understand it either way. 
'Sometimes I have problems speaking fluently' I said to her. She looked at me with this grin on her face. I couldn't figure out why this seemed to be so funny.

I tried to get to the point again and asked her if she wanted to get me the documents. 
After a while of talking she finally started to leave. But before she left, she needed to ask me the one question that I always hate. 'So what's your name?' ... Seriously, why couldn't this woman just leave me alone for the day? Maybe I was overreacting but at that point I wanted to be alone. Away from everyone. I took a deep breath and tried to get my name out. She gave me about 3 seconds before saying 'see, you're doing it again' ... Again with that grin on her face... I breathed out and said my name. She didn't listen.  'My brother couldn't talk fluently either, he got therapy. You know you can get rid of it right?'. I tried to stay as friendly as I could ... I told her that I'm doing therapy and that I'm trying my best. I didn't want to say more. I didn't want to explain how hard I work every single day to get where I am at this point. 

She left. And with that I shut the door, took my seat and started crying. 
Why did this woman get to me like that? I started wondering why I was so upset about it.
It's not that she told me to get therapy, it's not that she had that grin on her face or called me influent. It's that she never gave me the chance to talk. She never gave me time or space to say what I needed to say. And ofcourse that grin and called me influent made my blood boil as well. 

I have done a lot of phonecalls and I have seen a lot of people. I never had anyone react like this in the 1.5 year that I work in the office. I've always been given the time to say what I needed to say and I've always been able to say what I needed to. 

I can't get it out of my head. I still need to see this woman and talk to her. And right now I really don't know if I can do that.

But tomorrow is a new day and I'm going to show this woman that I'm amazing at my job. 
She knows that I have this problem, so I have nothing to hide anymore. It's out there and that's actually a good thing. 
She's just one person out of a million. One person in 1.5 years who has said something negative. 
She's like a needle in a haystack and I'm not planning on giving her comments any more attention. 

I also want to make clear that I'm not saying that she is a bad person. I only know her from this experience. I'm sure she didn't mean it in the way that it came across.
I don't think she is a mean person. I'm just saying that it's not okay to act like this around people who have a stutter or any other type of problem.
Respect is a very important part of life.
I just think that people should choose their words more carefull sometimes.


I'm sorry to post something that's a little bit more negative but this was my experience today and I felt like sharing this with all of you. I might seem like a positive person (atleast that's a comment that I get a lot) but that's not how I am all the time. Sometimes I break and I have a hard time. It's all part of it. 


Love,
Natasja