A little setback.

As I'm writing this, I don't even know how to put everything I feel into words. I don't know how to put all of these emotions into one good blogpost. But that's exactly what I'm going to attempt. 

I've said it in my last post, I have been under a lot of stress. Sadly enough, that hasn't changed. It has only become worse. Work is very busy and I feel like I try so hard but I can't seem to get anything done. Ever felt like that? Like you have been working hard but not getting anything done? No? Well maybe that's just me then.

So these last few weeks have been a challenge. I was not in the mood to even deal with my stutter anymore. I didn't want to think about it or work on it. I didn't want to give it any attention anymore. I wanted it to shut up and be gone. I didn't want to do my excercises. I was done with it.

Lucky enough I have a therapist who understands me. During my last session we talked about it and she understood everything that I was trying to make clear. And that is not easy because sometimes I don't even understand what I'm trying to say. I felt like I shouldn't complain but at the same time all I want to do is complain. Leen is a savior. For real. I have no idea what I would do without her. 
After that session I felt a bit better and friday was actually a good day. 

Now on to this week. Where do I start? It has been a complete disaster. It has gotten to the point where I can't even get any further than 'hello' on the telephone. 
Why? Probably stress and the fact that I'm doubting myself again. 
I can't seem to shake feeling bad about it. I try so hard to keep positive but I can't. I was doing so well and now it feels like my hard work was all for nothing.
It really feels like your heart is sinking into your shoes. For the first time in a long time I felt powerless and nervous in the office. 

Right now I think I just can't accept that I'm having a setback. I was doing so good and I was so happy with all of the progress that I made. 
But at the same time I also know that sometimes you need a setback to see exactly how far you have come. 

So the question I'm asking myself right now is 'how can I handle this?'. How do I handle this in a way that I just move on and try to get back to where I was? 
At this point, I don't know. But I do know that I have worked too hard to just let this get me down. 

Things like this happen. Stutterer or no stutterer, sometimes life gets that little bit harder. And we either handle it or we give up. 
I think what bothered me the most was the fact that I felt like I couldn't even talk to anyone about it because I don't want to complain. Why should I right? Everything else is going great. But if I feel bad than I can talk about it. If you feel like something is bothering you than it's your right to talk about and share how you feel. We shouldn't be afraid or ashamed about that. 

Monday is a new start, a new week. And we will see how it goes. I will keep you posted. 
Thank you for dealing with my ranting posts :-)

Have a good weekend everyone!
Let's take these 2 days to relax.


love,
Natasja 

Groups on facebook

Since a few months I follow a couple groups on facebook about stuttering.
Because everyone is so open, everything gets discussed. Good experiences and bad ones. 
People share their frustrations, views and daily situations with posts and video's. It's amazing to see that everyone is so supportive of eachother and so nice to one another.

I thought it would be a good idea to share those groups on here. You don't have to post something or share something, you can just be a part of the community. I have posted twice so far and I try to read every post that comes on there. 

It's comforting to know that we are not alone in this struggle. So many of us experience the same things. The doubts, the fears, the victories and the hard days. It's eye-opening to see that eventough we feel alone, we're not truely alone. 
Don't be afraid to talk about your stutter. It can help a lot. I know that it's not easy but it's very rewarding. 

I'm a member of these groups on facebook:

- That's easy for you to say
- Stuttering community

They're both closed groups and the atmosphere is really great. People won't judge but they will listen to you. They will comfort you, eventhough they are on the other side of this globe. They will celebrate with you eventhough they don't know you well. It's amazing to feel like we are all connected. 

I hope you guys find comfort and strenght by joining these groups and that it can help you it whatever way you want or need.


Have a great weekend everyone.


Much Love,


Natasja 
xx

How I deal with a stressfull day ...

What do you do after a stressfull day where your stuttering has been worse than usual? Or on a day where it's just harder to deal with it? 

Everybody deals with stuttering in their own way. But for this post I'm going to share some of the things I do after I've had a hard day. On these days it feels like have no control over it. Mentally It always feels like I'm drained because I keep overthinking it. So for me it's important that after work, I can relax to the fullest. 

The first thing I do when I leave work is get in my car and put on some songs. 
I will sing along to every single one of them and by the time I get home I usually feel better. I think this is because it just feels relieving to sing and not stutter at all. Plus, can you really be sad when you heard a great song? I can't. 

When I get home it's time to cook dinner. Usually my boyfriend does that but on days where I don't feel great, I will. Maybe it's weird but it just helps me relax. 
While I cook me and my boyfriend usually discuss our days and he will listen to me rant about pretty much everything that went wrong. 
Sometimes It's just good to talk about it. If there is anything I've learned than it's the fact that keeping everything bottled up doesn't solve anything. It's good to talk about it and be open. The more you close yourself, the more stressfull it will get. 

After dinner I will usually take a quick shower. Again, I don't know why but taking a shower just makes me feel better. Like I can wash everything off me. 

Now it's time to watch a little bit of TV. Ah TV, it's just fun to look at someone else their drama. Often I will drink a coffee or some tea while I watch tv. It's like a hug in a mug. 
After an hour/hour and a half I will go upstairs. 

Last thing I do is read a little bit. I will read out loud for about 10 minutes and after that I'll read the rest in silence until I fall asleep. Reading out loud was very hard when I just started therapy. I couldn't read 4 words without have a blockage. When I read fluently after such a hard day, It gives me a good feeling. Like I'm not completely lost. It's good to end a hard day on a good note.

The things I do aren't anything special but they help me. As I said, everyone deals with it on their own way. Some people like to talk about their day, others don't. It's personally and that's totally okay. 
Sometimes the smalles thing can make you feel better. 



Enjoy your easter weekend guys!

Much Love,
Natasja 


Ps. sorry it took so long to get another post up. Things have been a bit crazy here.
Thanks for sticking around. You guys are great!