I found this drawing on Tumblr and I really wanted to use it for my blog.
I think it's describes what has been said to me over the years just perfectly.
I wanted to thank the amazing and talented intertwinedheartss on tumblr (www.intertwinedheartss.tumblr.com) for letting me use her artwork.
I think all of us who stutter can relate to this drawing so much. All of those words have been said to us, and they hurt. They make you feel so bad about yourself. Even if some of them aren't used to harm you but to help you.
I'm going to talk a bit about some of these comments.
Have one of those things ever been said to you? How did you feel about it? Please let me know, I would love to get to know you better.
- Relax
Something that has been said to me too many times. Saying 'relax' has never helped me and it never will. It's not a magic word. It won't get me relaxed. It will make me feel nervous because I feel like I need to be relaxed for you.
- I don't have all day / Come on already
Luckily, nobody has every said this to me. I think saying something like that to someone who stutters, or to anybody for that matter, is just plain rude. You will listen to what we have to say, even if it takes us a whole day. Everybody has the right to be heard.
Patience is the key with people who stutter. Don't rush us. Make us feel comfortable, that is the only way to take away the stress of speaking.
- I've seen worse
Oh have you? Well let me talk fluently now because obviously I am not the worst thing you have seen. That makes me feel great about myself and my stutter. Nope.
- Did I stutter?
I HATE people who use the word 'stutter' as something that they just trow in a sentence.
The fact is that everybody sometimes stutters. People on tv, on the radio, they all do it. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. There is no need to use it in an argument as a way to make someone feel bad about not understanding you.
As you can see, the title of my blog is 'Did I stutter?'. I choose this because I'm tired of people using this as a joke. For once, I wanted to see it being used in the right way. Did I stutter? Well yes I did. And there is no reason to hide it.
- I know how you feel
Unless you stutter yourself, you don't know how I feel. There is no discussing that.
It's the same as saying 'I know how you feel' to someone who is very sick when you have never been sick.
Do you know how it feels to be an outcast? Do you know how it feels to be scared to go somewhere where you have to speak? Do you know how it feels to feel your heart racing like crazy every time the phone rings? Do you know how it feels to be so frustrated with yourself that you never want to speak again? Do you know how it feels to not be able to say your own name? Or the name of the ones you love?
- Did you forget your name or something?
I think out of all the comments, this is the one that gets to me the most.
I hate not being able to say my name.
Your name is something really emotional and that is exactly the reason why most people stutter on it.
When people say 'Did you forget your name or something' it makes me feel so bad about myself. I can't even describe the feeling. It just makes me feel helpless.
- Breathe
My boss says this to me a lot. When I'm on the phone to him and I can't say what I need to say, he always tells me to breathe in and out.
Obviously I know that I need to breathe in and out, I don't need anyone to tell me that.
I appreciate that he tries to keep me calm and wants to help but to be honest, it never really helps me. I tell myself to breathe in and out every single moment of the day. It just doesn't work.
- It's not that bad
Well to you it might not seem bad, but for me it feels like it is.
If you have had this for many years and you don't see it going away, it doesn't really help your confidence.
For me it's bad because I'm just tired of it. I'm tired of having this.
People might say this to make you feel better but let's face it, it doens't help you much when you already feel like shit on the inside.
To everybody that has ever tried to make me feel comfortable and took the time to listen to me... Thank you so much. I really appreciate it, you have no idea. Thank you for not rushing me. Thank you for letting me be myself.
I really hope that all of you guys who are reading this have friends and family that let them be themselves. If you ever need to talk about your stutter (or anything else), please message me. You can find me on twitter, on tumblr and you can find my e-mail on my blog. I'm always here to help.
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