My Q to your A

Happy Saturday!

I hope you all had a good week at work/school.

For today's post I'm going to answer some of the questions I've got.

Thanks to you I can do this post, so a big thanks to everyone who send in a question.

1. When does your stutter bother you the most?

It bothers me the most when I'm in a very stressed position or when I don't feel 100% comfortable. Other people start sweating or become red when they are nervous, I begin to stutter (have blockages) more. When I have to talk to someone who has a higher position than me it will also occur more.

2. How do you think you would be if you didn't have a stutter? Would you be a totally different person?

I don't want to let my stutter hold me back but I think that I would be different without it. Hopefully a little bit more sure of myself. Because of my stutter I doubt myself constantly.

I also think I would a little bit more outgoing. I would probably talk non stop if I didn't had this. But that wouldn't be good either haha :)

3. Can you give us a negative and a positive side about your stuttering?

Well the negative one is that having a stutter (or any other 'problem') holds you back in a lot of ways. Socially it's sometimes very difficult to convince yourself to go to an event or whatever because there is a fear of meeting new people. You always have that voice in your head asking 'what will people think if they notice it?'.

For me the biggest negative one is the feeling that it gives me sometimes. When I have a bad days I feel so hopeless. After 23 years this is still here, influencing my life.
It feels like you are having a constant war inside your head. Constantly being frustrated with yourself. The stuttering itself isn't the worst, it's getting mentally tired every single day that really influences you in a negative way.

The positive one is that I think it made me a 'better' person in a way. I'm more patient with people and I try not to judge anyone. We are all fighting or own battle. Stuttering is mine.

I also try to be a more positive person because of it. I do have my bad periods but overall it's makes me realise that I have a good life. It could be a lot worse.

4. Why did you decide to study finances if you knew you would have a lot of social contact? What made you decide to do it anyway?

I knew that it was going to be hard and that I would have my work cut out for me. But this was something I could actually see myself doing. Stutter or no stutter.

It's a lot of work and mentally It's very hard sometimes but this is what I love to do.

5. Why did you decide to go back to therapy after such a long time? Were you forced or was it out of yourself?

It was my choice so go back to therapy. I was feeling more and more unsure of myself. I wasn't feeling good in my own skin. I felt like there had to be a change. My sutttering had reached a peak and I didn't know how to handle that myself.

6. Do people sometimes have prejudices?
It's known that people sometimes think that stutterers aren't as smart as others. They think that is why we can't speak fluently.
Ofcourse that is not true at all. Stutterers often have a better connection to language then anyone else.

7. What advice would you give someone who has a stutter?
Don't give up. Don't let your stutter get the best of you. You are so much more then that.
It's not easy to deal with this every single day. It's there and it's very frustrating. It's frustrating not being able to say your own name, order something in a restaurant or pick up the phone and call someone.
But I know that people who stutter are also very strong people. Don't write us of just because of this. This is just a little bump in the road.

8. Is there anything you are scared off doing because of your stuttering?
This is going to sound very stupid but I am scared that if I ever get married, I won't be able say my own vows.
I always said I didn't want to get married but since I'm in a stable relationship for almost 4 years it has come to mind. We sometimes talk about it and I have told my boyfriend that I'm scared I won't be able to say my vows. His reaction was 'We will find a way to make that work. We can always make a video where we say or vows. You shouldn't let anything hold you back' ...

I was very scared of picking up the phone. Before I started my internship I never picked up the phone at home. I avoided the phone in every way that I could.
Since my work that hasn't been an option anymore. It has a been a very very rough ride but I feel more confident now picking up the phone. It took a lot of sweat and tears but I'm happy to be at this point. Don't get me wrong, I still have a long way to go.

9. When do you decide to tell people about your stuttering? Do you tell people from the start or not?
When I was younger It took a lot of time to tell someone. It was too personal for me to share. My good friends and family knew but that was it. I didn't want to draw attention to it.

The funny thing is that people sometimes just don't notice it. For example, my boyfriend didn't notice until I told him myself. We had been friends for a year and a half before we started dating and he never noticed something was wrong. Even though I did have blockages while speaking to him. Sometimes your stutters or blockages are just so small and short that people really don't even see any harm in it.

The past months I came to this point in my life where I didn't want to hide it so much anymore. It was getting exhausting to worry about what others would think. I wanted to use this to help others. So that's why I decided to take on this blog. Just throw it out in the world. This is me and I am proud of it. I'm proud of everything I've done so far. I think I've finally learned to accept it.

It took me a long time to come to this moment in my life. A lot of ups and downs. I think that once you've come to this, it's very liberating. Atleast for me it was. Ever since that letter to my boss, a huge weight has been lifted of my shoulders.

Every single one of you is going to come to this point. It might take some time but you will get there.

Thank you for all the questions, you guys are amazing :-)


xxx Natasja