Quote of the month

For someone who stutters it is sometimes very difficult to say what they want. Because the more we speak, the more of a chance there is that we would stutter. Ofcourse you have stutterers that don't give a crap about how hard it is. They just say whatever they want, stutters or no stutters. Blockages or no blockages. God how I admire them. But for this post I am going to talk about my own experience with it. 

Sometimes you want to say something so bad, but you hold back because it's not worth risking stuttering for. I'm guilty of doing that. Just not speaking because it's easier. 
This can happen with important things like work or with little things like going to stores, ordering something or just talking in general.

With every word that floats around in your head, there is so much doubt and fear. Your mind is constantly at work.  
Speaking as a stutterer I can truely say that it's emotionally very draining sometimes.
We should just be able to say 'Fuck it' and just say what we want, whenever we want and how fast or slow that we want. 

I overthink so many things. My mind is always working and always thinking about things for work, things at home ... 
Same with my stuttering. For example, when I have to order something at a restaurant I will already have practised in my head. I will make sure it's something that I can actually say fluently. 
Same with going to the bakery or any other store. 

I wish I didn't think about it that much. I do have days where I just go in and order and I don't think about my stuttering. Those days are becoming to be more and more frequently. Which I am happy about. But It's very normal that it's not like that every time. 

People will often say 'just say what you want to say, it doesn't matter how long it takes'. That very easily said. People should really be able to look into the mind of a stutterer sometimes. I don't think a lot of them would last even 5 minutes. 
For us, it will always matter. Even if we stutter less, it will still matter because we will always wish we could get rid of it. 

I'm coming to terms with it more and more. I've been working hard trying to accept my stutter. Something that I have been never able to do so far. 
I'm trying to care less when I stutter. I'm also trying to just say what I want to say. It's not easy and it's a lot of work. I'm also trying to use the things that I'm learning at therapy so that I will dare to make stutters. 

It's not easy but I know that for me, accepting this and being able to dare to stutter is very important. I still have a long way to go but I'm already happy with the progress I made so far. 

Every stutterer is different but when it comes down to it, I think we all have the same kind of doubts and fears. And it doesn't matter how you work on your stutter or what kind of therapy you do, as long as you are working on it! We should be able to say whatever we want to say. 




Happy november everyone.


Love,

xxx Natasja