They laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at them because they are all the same ...

I've never been one to put personal matters on facebook or on instagram. I have never put something on my facebook/instagram about my stuttering because I was always afraid of reactions. And I was ashamed. Imagine everyone you know, knowing about your stuttering. It always gave me shivers. Good friends knew, but it's not something you tell everyone. 

Biggest part why I never mentioned it was because it was something I couldn't accept. 
I can imagine that a lot of you are also going through the same thing.

Ever since I have this blog I feel more secure talking about my stutter. Even when I talk to Leen about it, I don't feel so hold back anymore. 

So, for the first time, I posted something on my instagram about stuttering. And I thought that I would share it with you guys. 
I think every one of us should be proud of who we are. No we're not like everyone else but we don't have to be. We are who we are and that's nothing to be ashamed off. 

So keep this quote in mind, every single day. We are doing great! 

I've been a stutterer since I've had the ability to speak. For years I was ashamed. For years I've been hard on myself, nothing was ever good enough. I wanted to make my stutter less important by always trying to be better than everyone else. I never once thougth I was good enough. I was a hard worker, with a reason. Because that was actually something I could control. Mentally, stuttering is very heavy. It's like you are fighting a constant war inside your head. 'Why can't I say my own name?' 'If I order that, will I be able to actually pronounce the word?'. Every word that comes out your mouth is twisted, turned and thougth about carefully ... I've been living with this for 24 years and I have finally accepted it and come to terms with who I am. I might not be normal, but who cares? I am who I am. I'm working hard in therapy every single week and for the first time in 24 years, I am actually proud of myself. This post is for everyone who is ever ashamed of who they are. You are great and you should never let your own thoughts hold you back. Keep on being amazing ☺️💐

Love,

Natasja 

xx

Society these days

Today I read an article in the paper that talked about the pressure that the youth has the deal with these days. 
So with that article in mind, I'm doing a post on the pressure of society these days.
I really wanted to write about this because the subject itself makes my blood boil.

In the article there was a boy with dyslexia who said that he doesn't even feel like he belongs in his own house. He gets teased by his family for being 'slower'  and more stupid then his classmates.
Or let's not forget the boy who was highly gifted but was described as being stuck up and showing of with his grades? For that he was bullied every single day.
Or another boy with ADHD who turned to drugs because instead of helping him, his teachers told him that he wouldn't amount to anything. 

Having a disorder, no matter what type it is, is hard in this society. 
For me, it has always been a battle. 
I didn't want to be an outcast because of my stutter, but I didn't want to fit in either. Because I knew that I wasn't like everyone else. 
In stores I have gotten strange looks when I wasn't able to say what I wanted to order, I could feel the judgement actually hanging in the room. People were actually laughing about it to my face.
It made me feel so bad, so alone. 
I've come to the conclusion that this is who I am. And I don't want to be like anyone else.
I don't fit in and that's fine with me.

I can't imagine what it's like having a disorder like ADHD. But I do know people who have it. And I have a great amount of respect for them. Same for people with Dyslexia. 
No matter what the disorder is, it's something that changes you forever. It's also something that makes you feel like an outcast forever. 

How about the boys and girls who are gay?  
Or the people who are transgender? 
Having the fear that people, even your own family, aren't going to except you for who you are?
A lot of people have come to terms with the thought of someone being gay or transgender, but not everyone has.
People get bullied for it, even become the target of fights.
Why shouldn't we be allowed to chose who we love? Why shouldn't we go trough life as the person we choose to be? 
Why do so many people feel ashamed for being who they are? 

I've talked about a couple of things society sees as a 'problem'. But there is one still to come. Depression. Something that a lot of us battle with. And a lot of that are younger kids and teenagers. How is it that teenageers of 16 or 17 are already fighting this? 
This is a clear sign that something is wrong. 
When you are 16 or 17 you should be having the time of you life, not going trough something like that. 
How is it that we only see the signs when it's too late? 
'Oh yes, she told me she was bullied but I didn't do anything about it' ... This is actually something a principal said about one of her own students committing suicide.

Sometimes I feel disgusted being human.

One last thing to close down my post.
Go and look on tumblr. There are so many posts about not fitting in, feeling like an outcast, having depressions and even committing suicide. 
If that's not a sign than I don't know what it.

I think society can go screw itself. 
I'd rather be an outcast that accepts people for who they are, then to fit in in a world where you can't be yourself. A world where it's okay to make others feel like they don't belong. 

I always say, live and let live. 
I'm not here to judge anyone. 



Love,
Natasja