What I'm working on in therapy

I've said it before and I'll say it again, therapy has been a life changer for me. 
Just the fact that I have someone who listens to me rant about my stuttering and who understands what I'm talking about is a gift from heaven. 

Therapy helps me deal with problems I can't deal with myself. 
There are so many feelings and thoughts that come with stuttering, I'm not the kind of person that can deal with that myself. The tips and tricks that I get from Leen are things that I can not teach myself. 

At this point we have just started working on saying my name on the phone/in person etc. 
I've made a lot of progression with speaking and reading. But this, this is a whole other story. 

Here you can read a little bit about the struggle of saying my name. 
I think it's finally time to really work on this. I would love to be able to say my name on the phone. Sadly enough it's not that easy. I've been wanting to make this a priority for a long time. 

A name is very emotionally loaded. It's something you have been carrying with you for your whole life and you will carry it on for the rest of it. It's something that 2 people who love you so much gave to you. It's a part of your identity. 

That's why it's so hard to say. Because there is a lot of pressure to say it. 
People expect you to be able to say your name. Ofcourse they would, It's your own name. Nobody 'forgets' their own name right? 

Saying my name has always been a big fear. When people ask my name it feels like I'm getting as hot as the sun. It feels impossible to get that under control. 

But it's time to work on this. It's time to put as much time and effort in this as I did with my reading and speaking. The will to say my name fluently is far more bigger than the fear. I want this so bad. 

I can not speak for every stutterer but I think for most of us, our name has always been a struggle. But I also think that with a lot of help, willpower and practisce, we can get this under control.


So from now on, I'm preparing for a lot of frustration. Probably a lot of crying and complaining. But I'm also preparing for my life to get a little bit easier. 
And for that, I can not wait. 



Much Love,
Natasja