What would I do if, for a day long, I didn't stutter?

We all think about it. What would our lives be like if we didn't stutter? What would we do differently? 

Sometimes I think about it and I realise that I wouldn't have it any other way. Because maybe without my stutter I would not have studied finances. Maybe I would be a nurse right now , like I intended to be. 
I wouldn't know what it is to fight for something, to hold on when everything seems to be against you. I wouldn't know the struggle so many of us face today. 
I wouldn't have build up a life with Sepp because he would not be in the picture. Just like many of my friends who I met through my studies. 
This one thing, eventhough we despise it, has shaped us into the person we are. It has shaped our lives. 

For me it's hard to imagine a life without it. But for this post I'm going to tell you some of the things I would do if I didn't have my stutter for a day. A girl can dream can't she?

I would order every single thing in a restaurant that I had never had the guts for because of the difficulty of the word or the fear of stuttering. I would look at the menu without thinking to myself 'If I want to order this, will I be able to say the word?'.

Starbucks here I come. I would order myself a drink at Starbucks and actually say my name to the guy/girl behind the counter. 

I would not lay the phone down at work and call for every single point on my agenda. I wouldn't care if I could search it myself in the systems, I would call the companies and proudly introduce myself. I would make small talk with the person on the other line and I would enjoy every minute of it. 

I would go up to strangers on the street and introduce myself. 
Saying my name without a stutter would be amazing.

I would go to the hospital and read to sick children. 

And last but not least, I would just enjoy the day to the fullest.



....


So it would be great to be stutter-free for a day. But I think we just have to enjoy every day to the fullest. Stuttering or not. 

One of my childhood friends, 17 years old, passed away from Leukemia.  She had her whole life ahead of her. We served the mass together for years and I remember her as a lovely, sweet, friendly and energetic person. It's hard to believe she lost the fight.
It made me realize that all of this really isn't that bad. It might seem like it some days but we still have our whole lives ahead. That's more than some people can say at this point. 

Maybe this feeling of 'it isn't that bad' will pass soon, sometimes things happen that change your look on stuttering within an instant. But for now, I'm trying to be as positive about it as I can.
I've had my days where I didn't want to leave the bed because of this. I'm tired of letting it have this effect on me. It's not worth it. 


Love,
Natasja